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African-American Professor Portraits Defaced at Harvard – From Rage to Sadness to Compassionate Curiosity

In this moment, I have only one response. Compassion. Compassion for all involved and affected. We must open ourselves to a possibility beyond a clear right or wrong. We have to go beyond believing that a punitive measure will address the real issue. What we need is authentic understanding of each other.

Who Has the Time for *$&# Gratitude?

Like all habits, the habit of gratitude takes discipline, practice and patience. It has taken me years to develop into a person who can appreciate the small things in life that gives me joy. My husband will be the first to assure you that my five-alarm fires are still alive and well in my life. For sure they are still there. But with practice, I’ve counterbalanced that natural tendency to worry with a newly developed tendency to appreciate. And as a result, I truly believe I live a happier life, a more effective life and hopefully, a life that extends more positivity to the people with whom I interact in the world.

A Longing for Cultural Belonging

Some twenty years after his death, as I do work in intercultural and leadership coaching, I understand his life through a different lens. I see now that my father yearned to belong at work. He wanted to be more than just a systems specialist. He wanted more than to just clock in and bring home the check. For all the hours he spent at work, he wanted to be part of the community – sharing, talking, engaging – more than the perfunctory, “how was your weekend” pass-by glance. I look back and realize that my father’s work existence must have been quite lonely.

The Freedom of Personal Accountability

Life is shared, whether at work or at home. Nothing can be done independently of others or our surroundings. So in this interconnected living, it’s plausible to put responsibilities on others when things get tough. At some point, things always get tough. Sometimes it’s the other person. Sometimes it’s shared. Sometimes it’s really ours to own. Question is, do we discern? Do we take the time to be present with what’s going on so we can process what happened and understand our emotional response to the situation? If you stay present to a situation, you will realize that taking responsibility is always an emotional choice.

When the Shoe Doesn't Fit…

My children happened upon the cartoon Cinderella last week. My mother and I were commenting about how darling it was…until the shoe fitting part. You know, the part where Cinderella’s foot glides into the shoe held by the prince. We women, who grew up in the US, have always celebrated Cinderella because she was the one chosen by the prince. We celebrated how she was saved by the “knight in shining armor”. As I watched that ending, I became increasingly perplexed by this concept that so many of us have bought into — the concept that we are worthy if and when we fit into somebody else’s model.

How Struggling Can Indicate You’re On the Right Track In Your Transition

If you choose to become a leader in your life, whether in your internal world or external world, daring to face the struggle of the unknown is the “ticket for entry” for success. Struggle need not be a four-letter-word. Struggle can be respected, even if not welcomed, as you know it is the struggle that will teach you the requisite skills and necessary approaches to be effective in the new landscape.

Accepting "MY" Imperfections

You are imperfect. I am imperfect. That’s part of being human. There’s something so “old news” about it all. Yet it seems like we are all hiding with terror from this reality of not being perfect…Witnessing and accepting our imperfections isn’t weakness. It’s an act of love. It breeds freedom and acceptance within us. From there, we affect all who are in our circle of life.